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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
celebration of a birth....celebration of a life
...I want to make sense but I probably won't.....it's been a roller coaster day....well, year really but I can't possibly write about the entire year....
my son turned 22 today....he worked a double shift, came home, changed into clothes that HE bought at macy's, and went out with friends....he's an adult. it's hard for me to accept my kids growing up.......life is speeding onward....I don't like it.
rapidly gaining momentum year by year, it makes me feel out of control.....like I'm missing something because I cannot possibly take it all in appropriately......life moves forward and eventually ends for people we love.........
......we had a graveside service today for my last grandparent. she was 93. good long life....still difficult to say good bye. as we stood in the driving rain under a rickety tent, my dad shared scripture and a couple stories. he said one thing that has stuck with me all day....."we gain more knowledge out of sorrow than we do from laughter....we learn and grow more out of pain than out of contentment" I'm sure it's based on a scripture...but sometimes certain scriptures come alive in different situations.....
......I ramble on......I miss having grandparents....I miss being a mom to a little boy....I cherish what those chapters of my life gave me.....time to put my energy into being who God wants me to be today......
.....not yesterday.....just today....
Sunday, November 20, 2011
life
Frances Christiansen....she was 93 years old.
just two weeks ago today i stood in her room and watched her play the piano.
i am sad for my mom. i am sad for my kids who didnt get a chance to know her better. she lived in florida most of her life and jus recently moved back to baltimore after her husband died.
it's the end of a long chapter of my life....the longest chapter....having grandparents.....grandparents who witnessed pretty much every modern invention become a part of our society....cars, tv, computers, cell phones....as well as stories from history that they lived through.....
unlike my grandfathers, both of my grandmas died from being old....their bodies just quit....what an amazing life. that god would give them more than 90 years to spend on earth.
rest in peace grandparents. see you in heaven....hopefully sometime after 2056....if god sees fit to bless me as he blessed you.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
it's been too long
i miss what it does for me....the looking back....evidence in black & white that things have changed. for better or for worse....but always some sort of growth. i've been reading a lot of other blogs lately.....i'm realizing that i need to share more. God didn't allow all of THIS so we could sit around and ask why indefinitely.....
....and i cannot get all my thoughts into a status update or a tweet...and i'm much to lazy to use a pen to write in my journal, although i do miss that and may have to give it a whirl soon....
more later.....
Friday, September 23, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
blogging
...too bad i'm so lazy.....
Friday, July 01, 2011
sooooo.....
it's especially humbling when i have to eat my words. we went to salisbury university just under two weeks ago. it was freshman preview day. it was exciting, scary, sad, bittersweet....so many things for me, and i'm sure for emily as well. i felt old. i felt young. she and i sat in a few sessions, together and individually. we ate lunch. she chose her classes.
let me just say that she never doubted that she'd be there in the fall. i did.
she never thought about the money. i did.
she had faith. i did not.
about money.
and that disgusts me sometimes.
money is no bigger to god than keeping me breathing each day, and yet i make it bigger. i make it a bigger thing than most things. i want to let go of money.
after the last session we drove over to the financial aid office. walked in and were pleasantly greeted with a "how can i help you?" i asked if i could get the latest on her account....how much she had towards her 2011-12 school year.....the woman proceeded to write down each and every grant and scholarship emily had earned and then confirmed that she did in fact get the loan i was certain she would not get. :/
we will drop her off august 25.
god does what we cannot fathom or trust him to do.....he owns a cattle on a thousand hills. he knows the number of hairs on my head. yet i doubt him consistently.
i look forward to seeing what else he'll do........