I haven't blogged in a while....a long while.
I find myself getting lost in the pretentious world of social media and fakeness. Wanting to please and measure up. Not measuring up.
I find myself wanting to be a better mom. A better wife. A friend who makes a difference.
Not measuring up.
I find myself resentful of the things that could have been. I try to make up for it.
Not measuring up.
I'm tired of trying. Spinning wheels. Sinking sand. Treading water.
When can we exhale.
Why do mean dishonest people get ahead? Why do lazy people get ahead?
I'm just tired.
I totally get why people give up and don't want to go on....
Monday, April 10, 2017
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
celebration of a birth....celebration of a life
...I want to make sense but I probably won't.....it's been a roller coaster day....well, year really but I can't possibly write about the entire year....
my son turned 22 today....he worked a double shift, came home, changed into clothes that HE bought at macy's, and went out with friends....he's an adult. it's hard for me to accept my kids growing up.......life is speeding onward....I don't like it.
rapidly gaining momentum year by year, it makes me feel out of control.....like I'm missing something because I cannot possibly take it all in appropriately......life moves forward and eventually ends for people we love.........
......we had a graveside service today for my last grandparent. she was 93. good long life....still difficult to say good bye. as we stood in the driving rain under a rickety tent, my dad shared scripture and a couple stories. he said one thing that has stuck with me all day....."we gain more knowledge out of sorrow than we do from laughter....we learn and grow more out of pain than out of contentment" I'm sure it's based on a scripture...but sometimes certain scriptures come alive in different situations.....
......I ramble on......I miss having grandparents....I miss being a mom to a little boy....I cherish what those chapters of my life gave me.....time to put my energy into being who God wants me to be today......
.....not yesterday.....just today....
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Sunday, November 20, 2011
life
....so my last grandparent died yesterday.
Frances Christiansen....she was 93 years old.
just two weeks ago today i stood in her room and watched her play the piano.
i am sad for my mom. i am sad for my kids who didnt get a chance to know her better. she lived in florida most of her life and jus recently moved back to baltimore after her husband died.
it's the end of a long chapter of my life....the longest chapter....having grandparents.....grandparents who witnessed pretty much every modern invention become a part of our society....cars, tv, computers, cell phones....as well as stories from history that they lived through.....
unlike my grandfathers, both of my grandmas died from being old....their bodies just quit....what an amazing life. that god would give them more than 90 years to spend on earth.
rest in peace grandparents. see you in heaven....hopefully sometime after 2056....if god sees fit to bless me as he blessed you.
Frances Christiansen....she was 93 years old.
just two weeks ago today i stood in her room and watched her play the piano.
i am sad for my mom. i am sad for my kids who didnt get a chance to know her better. she lived in florida most of her life and jus recently moved back to baltimore after her husband died.
it's the end of a long chapter of my life....the longest chapter....having grandparents.....grandparents who witnessed pretty much every modern invention become a part of our society....cars, tv, computers, cell phones....as well as stories from history that they lived through.....
unlike my grandfathers, both of my grandmas died from being old....their bodies just quit....what an amazing life. that god would give them more than 90 years to spend on earth.
rest in peace grandparents. see you in heaven....hopefully sometime after 2056....if god sees fit to bless me as he blessed you.
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Saturday, November 19, 2011
it's been too long
i miss blogging.
i miss what it does for me....the looking back....evidence in black & white that things have changed. for better or for worse....but always some sort of growth. i've been reading a lot of other blogs lately.....i'm realizing that i need to share more. God didn't allow all of THIS so we could sit around and ask why indefinitely.....
....and i cannot get all my thoughts into a status update or a tweet...and i'm much to lazy to use a pen to write in my journal, although i do miss that and may have to give it a whirl soon....
more later.....
i miss what it does for me....the looking back....evidence in black & white that things have changed. for better or for worse....but always some sort of growth. i've been reading a lot of other blogs lately.....i'm realizing that i need to share more. God didn't allow all of THIS so we could sit around and ask why indefinitely.....
....and i cannot get all my thoughts into a status update or a tweet...and i'm much to lazy to use a pen to write in my journal, although i do miss that and may have to give it a whirl soon....
more later.....
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Friday, September 23, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
blogging
....i miss blogging....i need to write more.....i have too much in my head for a tweet or an update....
...too bad i'm so lazy.....
...too bad i'm so lazy.....
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