sin.

what are the worst sins?
they are all the same in god's eyes?
possibly.

well, they certainly aren't in the eyes of people. oh, sure....little white lies are most definitely not a big deal compared to murder. gossip isn't so bad compared to child abuse. fornication is practically acceptable next to adultery. nowadays it almost acceptable to break most of the commandments. i've broken almost all of them. i don't think people care about the commandments anymore. i think people care about themselves. and by people i mean christians. because most people who aren't christians, that i've met, care more about others than the "christians" i know.

wow. yes. i'm cynical. unfortunately it seems to be getting worse instead of better. i ask god over and over for answers. not to big questions, but simple ones. if you think about it......every question is probably a simple one for god. we make them big.

i asked him to heal this killer migraine i got last night. it got progressively worse until i decided to call in to work. something i rarely do. why didn't he just heal it? is there some big lesson to be learned by me suffering with a migraine?

oh, back to sin.......yeah, so what is sin anymore? i'm just curious. because the way i see it.....the people that live in sin....and "give god glory" for things randomly.....seem to make out pretty well.
just saying............

looking for the balance..........if there is any.

today:
got up and watched many hours of television. i'm really sorry i wasted one of two days off that i get every week.

i wish i had something exciting to say.

i wonder how many posts i'll start before i actually post something.

i've written three so far. and deleted them all. i don't even know if people read this anymore....oh, sorry jess, i know you do. i think i want someone to listen? i've been chatting w/god (i say chatting because most days it's a short conversation, i do most of the talking, and it's on the go. that's more of a chat, right?) anyway...we've, i've been chatting with, at him, and i'm feeling like he's kind of watching me. nodding like he kind of gets it but treating me like i treat my kids while i'm on the computer. like....i hear them talking, but it's more like blah blah blah. is it too much to ask to have a bone thrown our way?

okay. all i really want is what most people consider normal living. basic necessities. peace. i don't feel like being preached at either. or have people quote bible verses out of context to me. I GET IT. i know what god expects, and wants.....although it seems it doesn't apply to everyone sometimes. some people treat others like crap, and cruise through life. some people make the same mistakes OVER AND OVER and still seem to be rewarded for it.

maybe i shouldn't post at midnight. my mind is racing and it needs to get out. this is usually my dream time. how sad that my blog is a bunch of rambling nothingness. oh well. i'm not making people read it.

okay god. this is my request. on this 14th day of may, emily's birthday. i'd like you to somehow in your omnipotent way, fix it so this will happen. i want dale to have a new job. i want my son to have a new job. i'd like you to provide a car for my son. i'd really love to move out of this drug ridden neighborhood full of criminals, neglectful parents and nasty neighbors. i want us to be out of debt. i want my kids to love and serve you. i'd like you to prepare their spouses for them. people that love you too. i want everything fixed that got broken. i'm not kidding. i know you can do it. you've parted the red sea. raised your son from the dead. and will split the sky one day and return. you have the power to flip our lives right side up again. can you please?

thanks. we are looking forward to telling everyone about it soon. oh, and i will. i'll refer them to this post. :)

that's all for now.