i wish there really was such a class......
i just don't know how to do it sometimes. one of the most difficult things to deal with (for me) is seeing one of my kids struggling, sad, discouraged, angry, hurting...etc....i want to make it right. i want to fix it. second to that is hearing one of my kids say "you don't like me." now, i know she (shocker it's one of my daughters) doesn't mean it....but i still want to get to the bottom of it....turns out, she thinks i never punish the others and that i favor certain kids over her......sigh.....i suppose that's something that i cannot really objectively figure out if i'm really doing. i try and try to be "equal", but with so many personalities, ages and issues....i often wonder if i'm fair....i know for sure that i'm not consistent, so you'd think that would favor their side....just the fact that i KNOW i do not discipline like i really should or as often as necessary....i do more yelling than anything. my kids have come to think that getting yelled at is getting punished....sad. is it too late? am i a failure? sometimes i feel like more of a failure in a lot of areas than a success by any means. there are no answers....
so i did what any neurotic mom would do. i called a family meeting. ugh....i'm a dork. i figured if i had the one confront the others about what was bothering her, it would fix everything. until i realized the other three disagreed and then it was three against one.......ugh. what can i say, the peacemaker in me will never die. it's who i am. yet i still feel like nothing was resolved. i will pray that some sort of tiny seed was planted in each one of them tonight....that at the very least they'll see that i was trying. trying to create peace. trying to show each of them how different they are, and to embrace the differences. oh, and yes, i told them that they are the best friends each of them will ever have....and as corny and cliche as that sounds, i hope they take it to heart and look back and remember this night as "the night mom tried to fix everything".....again.....sigh.......
this is so hard, and after 21+ years of being a mom, i still cry about how helpless i feel sometimes........maybe i'll be the perfect grandma......
