yeah. i said it. prayers/wishes.....aren't they kind of the same? i mean, lately i feel like i'm wishing.....wishing because i don't know if i'm praying the "right" thing....asking in the "right" way.....or if i should even be asking at all....
i recently read an article in relevant magazine about prayer. one thing that stuck out was this.....try to pray without saying "i pray....blah blah blah".....it's hard. it's pretty much like saying, i want or i hope or i ask....not that it's a bad thing, but i started to feel like my praying was my list of requests too much. of course there are plenty of things i do want, mostly for others at this point in my life (guilt will do that to you)....but i truly want a better and more content existence for those i love.....life isn't fair....it ISN'T!!!! why is it fair that my husband has a jerk for a boss? i know his work ethic. it isn't fair.
i've been praying/wishing/asking/hoping that things would change....lots of things....some have....most haven't....i don't know how to pray anymore. is there a point to praying anymore? should i just say to god, "i'm done asking." i mean, he does know already.
what's the difference between praying and wishing? i found out this week. yes, i'm frustrated with unanswered prayers. VERY FRUSTRATED. (why am i smelling paint right now.....ugh)
anyway.....i started praying this week and consciously tried to leave out "i pray" or anything like that....i found myself being forced to give thanks more....and just be quiet....focus on god.
he knows what we need. as much as it hurts to see people i love struggling.....he sees it too, and i am pretty sure he's got a plan. yeah, i'll still ask for things....but for some reason, i have a lot more faith when i take time to thank him for the part of his plan that he's already unfolded....i don't always like waiting. um, i don't like the waiting.....but i think it's part of his plan...........
